How to Hold Your Family Together - 1 Peter 3
Pastor Dan Walker, PhD, MDiv
Introduction
Today, we begin a new series entitled “When Life Gets Hard.”
Life doesn’t always go as planned. Challenges arise in our families, our workplaces, and our faith. These challenges leave us wondering how to move forward. In this series from the book of 1 Peter, we’ll discover how to stand firm, trust God and find real hope when life gets hard.
Whether we’re facing struggles at home, at work, or in our faith, God has a plan for us. This morning our first message in the series is called “How to Hold Your Family Together.”
Families today are under immense pressure. Stress, misunderstandings, and selfishness pull marriages apart, strain relationships between parents and children, and weaken the foundations of the home.
Many feel stuck in cycles of arguing, resentment, and disappointment, unsure how to break free. The world often offers quick fixes, but God provides a deeper lasting way to build a strong, loving family.
His design for the home is not about power struggles or self-interest – it’s about respect, unity and choosing to bless rather than tear down. Our Scripture this morning will reveal how we can cultivate peace and strength in our families even in difficult seasons.
Let’s think about families this way. Have you ever played tug-of-war? Two teams pull with all their strength in opposite directions, each trying to drag the other across the line.
It’s exhausting, frustrating and often painful. Now, imagine that same battle happening inside a family. For many homes today, this isn’t just a game – it’s reality.
Husbands and wives feel like they’re constantly pulling against each other. Parents and children struggle with tension and rebellion. Siblings compete instead of supporting one another.
Everyone wants peace and love, yet too often, our homes feel like a battlefield of unmet expectations, harsh words and growing resentment. And here’s the heartbreaking truth: families don’t fall apart overnight.
They unravel slowly – through selfishness, unresolved conflict, and a failure to love the way God intended. Instead of fighting for each other, many end up fighting against each other.
But this isn’t a new problem. Even in Scripture God warns us about what happens when families drift from His design.
James 4:1–2 (ESV) What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.
The root of family conflict is often selfish desires – wanting to be right, wanting control or wanting things our own way. But God calls us to a different way of living, one that isn’t driven by pride or resentment.
A way of living where we learn to ask God for what we need, rather than demanding it from others.
Psalm 127:1a (ESV) Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.
Many people try to build their families on their own strength, following the world’s wisdom instead of God’s. But without Him as the foundation, no amount of effort will hold a home together.
Proverbs 12:18 (ESV) There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Words have power. The way that we speak to our spouse, children, and family members can either tear down or build up.
Too many homes are filled with words that wound rather than words that bring healing. Maybe we recognize these struggles in our own homes. Maybe we’re carrying the weight of past hurts, broken trust, or constant arguing.
But here’s the good news: God has a plan for our families. He hasn’t left us to figure it out on our own.
In 1 Peter 3:1-12, God lays out principles that lead to a home filled with peace and blessing. Not through control, manipulation, or constant correction, but through something far more powerful: respect, unity and a heart that chooses to bless rather than curse.
So if our family feels like a never-ending tug-of-war, take heart. God’s Word holds the key to a home that stands strong – even when life gets messy.
Strengthen Your Marriage with Respect and Understanding
1 Peter 3:1–2 (ESV) Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
In the previous chapter, 1 Peter 2, we were called to be subject to the government and to our bosses. We are also to follow the example of Jesus who suffered even though He had done no wrong, being subject to the authorities.
Wives are to be subject to their husbands, following his leadership in the home. This is to be followed even if the husband does not obey the word, that is, they are not a believer. Obviously, our first allegiance is to God, so in being subject to any human authority, we must not follow if it would cause us to sin.
What is the wonderful promise in this verse for wives married to an unbeliever? When a wife is respectful to her husband and pure in her conduct, he may be won over without a word.
That is he will be saved by observing the wife's godly behavior, more than her words. God calls wives to influence their homes through respect and godly character. This isn’t about passivity but about the power of a Christ-like attitude.
A respectful and pure spirit can speak louder than words, softening even a hardened heart. True strength in marriage is not about control, but about honoring each other as Christ leads.
1 Peter 3:3–4 (ESV) Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.
The godly wife is not to fixate on outward beauty such as hairstyles, jewelry or clothing, although there’s nothing wrong with these things in moderation. The world prioritizes external beauty, but God values the inner heart.
Rather the emphasis must be on what is going on in our hearts towards God. Imperishable beauty is a gentle and quiet spirit submitted to God.
A gentle and quiet spirit doesn’t mean silence—it means confidence in God rather than a need to prove oneself. A wife’s inner strength, rooted in faith, creates a home of security and trust.
That type of inner beauty is very precious in God’s sight. The world looks on the outside to discern beauty, but God looks at the heart. God calls on believing wives to focus on having a heart in tune with God.
1 Peter 3:5–6 (ESV) For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
Submission in biblical terms, is not about oppression but about trusting God’s order. Sarah’s faith and obedience were signs of her trust in God, not just her husband.
Likewise, when a wife submits in faith, she is ultimately placing her trust in God’s provision. Sarah’s obedience and faith combined with Abraham’s faith led to them having their son of promise, Isaac, in their old age.
Wives are called to be Sarah’s children in the faith. How? By doing good and not fearing anything. Submitting to a husband and to God is not something to be feared, but a blessing to be gained.
1 Peter 3:7 (ESV) Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Wives, you were probably wondering when we’d get to the husbands, but here we are. Husbands are to live with their wives in an understanding way.
To be understanding is to seek to meet her needs and desires. Husbands are called to honor their wives, treating them with respect. To lead in a godly way means to love sacrificially, just as Christ loved the church.
The consequences for a husband who does not treat his wife in a godly way are serious. His prayers will be hindered, that is they won’t be answered.
Both husbands and wives have responsibilities in a healthy godly marriage.
Application
A strong marriage is built on mutual respect, not dominance or resentment. Wives can influence their homes through godly character. And husbands are called to lead with sacrificial love.
If we want our families to thrive, we must prioritize honoring our spouses. This means speaking words of encouragement, listening with patience, and making time to invest in the relationship.
Couples should pray together, speak kindly to one another, and seek to build up rather than tear down.
On April 11 and 12, we will be holding the Fun Marriage Workshop here at Life Church. The workshop will help us build a stronger marriage using biblical principles. We will learn about building a safe and healthy marriage.
Understanding relationship dynamics. Caring for ourselves in marriage and growing closeness through communication. If you haven’t already, I encourage you to learn more at our website lifechurchstlouis.org/fmw.
There’s a link to that page on the home page of our website. You can then register online for only $50 per couple. Whatever the state of our marriages, this workshop will help us learn how to make it better.
Choose Blessing Over Arguing in Every Relationship
1 Peter 3:8 (ESV) Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.
God’s design for family relationships extends beyond marriage. This verse is speaking to parents, children and siblings. Each relationship must be built on these five qualities, let’s look at each one.
Unity of mind doesn’t mean that every family member agrees on everything. Instead, it means having a shared commitment to honor God and love one another above personal opinions and desires.
Sympathy means feeling what others feel, caring about their struggles, and standing with them in difficult times. In a family, this means truly listening and seeking to understand, rather than reacting in frustration.
Peter calls us to brotherly love, which means loving each other as family should—not just when it’s convenient, but with commitment. In a world that treats relationships as disposable, God calls us to love deeply and sacrificially.
Love means putting someone else’s needs above our own. It means showing kindness when we don’t feel like it, forgiving even when it’s hard, and standing by each other even when life is messy.
A hardened heart destroys relationships. Peter tells us to have a tender heart, meaning we remain compassionate and forgiving rather than bitter and cold.
The longer we hold onto past hurts, the harder our hearts become toward the people we should love most. Finally, Peter calls us to have a humble mind, meaning we don’t always need to be right, we don’t always need to be first, and we don’t always need to get our way.
Pride is one of the greatest destroyers of families. But humility shifts the focus from “What can I get?” to “How can I serve?”
1 Peter 3:9 (ESV) Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.
In families, it’s easy to fall into the habit of keeping score—matching hurt with hurt, coldness with coldness. But God calls us to break that cycle by responding with blessing.
Speaking kindness instead of insults, showing patience instead of anger. Choosing grace over bitterness invites God’s blessing into our homes.
The promise of this verse is that when we bless others, we will receive God’s blessing, in our families and in our lives.
1 Peter 3:10 (ESV) For “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit;
Words have power, for good or for evil. The way that we speak to our spouse, children, and family members determines the atmosphere in our home.
Harsh words create division, while gentle words build love and security.
Application
If we want a peaceful home, it starts with how we respond in difficult moments. Choose words that heal rather than harm. Resist the urge to win every argument.
When an argument starts, pause before reacting. Ask, “Am I blessing or tearing down?” As parents, we must model this with our children.
Let them see forgiveness, patience, and love in action. Let’s replace complaining with gratitude and watch how it changes the atmosphere of our homes.
So where do we need to start today? Maybe it’s choosing to listen instead of argue. Maybe it’s showing love in a way we haven’t before.
Maybe it’s finally letting go of an old wound. Maybe it’s choosing to serve instead of demand. Whatever it is, let’s commit today to building our families God’s way.
Because the home that follows His design is the home that will truly stand strong.
Experience God’s Favor by Honoring Him in Your Home
1 Peter 3:11 (ESV) let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it.
Peace in our homes is a wonderful atmosphere. Peace in a home doesn’t happen by accident—it must be pursued.
This means being intentional about removing sinful habits, prioritizing God’s ways, and seeking reconciliation when conflicts arise.
Reconciliation begins with saying “I’m sorry, will you forgive me?” Even if we think the other person was completely wrong.
And in our hurts, forgiving the wrong of the other person, because Jesus has forgiven us. Those who seek peace and pursue it in God’s ways will find it in their homes.
1 Peter 3:12 (ESV) For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.
God actively watches over those who seek to honor Him in their lives and homes. He hears and answers their prayers.
When we align our family with His principles, we experience His favor. But when we choose selfishness, bitterness, or strife, we block His blessings.
In fact, those who do evil, do not just miss blessing, they receive God’s judgment and curse in their lives. Peter tells us that the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.
So, we want to be those who experience God’s favor by honoring Him in our homes.
Application
Do we want God’s favor in our families? Then we need to seek peace, do good, and commit to God’s ways.
This means making prayer a regular part of our households. It means keeping God’s Word central and being quick to reconcile when division occurs.
Let’s take a step this week—pray together as families, encourage rather than criticize, and let go of past hurts. When we honor God in our homes, His presence and favor will follow.
Conclusion
Picture that game of tug-of-war again. The tension in the rope, the strain in our arms, the frustration of trying to overpower the other side.
That’s how many families live—each person pulling for control, trying to win the argument, trying to prove a point. But in the end, no one really wins. Everyone is just exhausted.
But what if, instead of pulling harder, we let go of the rope? That doesn’t mean giving up on our family. It means choosing God’s way instead of the world’s way.
It means replacing pride with humility, selfishness with respect, and division with unity. It means deciding that our family isn’t a battleground—it’s a blessing worth protecting.
Instead of fighting for control, fight for understanding. Instead of holding onto resentment, hold onto forgiveness. Instead of repaying hurt with hurt, choose to bless.
The struggles we face in our marriages, our parenting, and our home do not have to define us. God has given us everything we need to build a family that stands strong in love and faith.
But it starts with surrender—letting go of selfishness, letting go of bitterness, and letting God build our homes His way.
God’s Word says,
Psalm 127:1a (ESV) Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.
So the question is: Who is building our homes? If our family feels like a tug-of-war right now, it’s not too late.
Let’s start today. Let’s speak words of blessing. Let’s choose to serve rather than demand. Let’s pray together. Love with the love of Christ.
When we do, we won’t just be holding our family together—we’ll be building something that lasts for generations to come.
